I saw the saying for this title as I was clicking around Parents.com this morning during the first of my many daily visits. How true is this!!! Today is the first of July, signifying my husband and I's fifth month of trying to conceive. As I type that, it seems so crazy to me that after only five months, my sanity has been completely taken away.
I think this feeling of desperation has a lot of do with how my husband and I decided to start TTC (trying to conceive to us who are fluent in "wannababynowese"...). I am 28 years old and a nurse manager for a very busy chemotherapy center. My husband is 31 and owns his own contracting company. There we are in the picutre... For many years, we were extremely content with how things were going. My life (and his) proceeded exactly as planned. College graduate at 23, married at 25, promoted to higher position of authority at 26, and homeowner at 27. Man, it couldn't have been going any better.
Then, SMACK...the desire for baby hit us both square between the eyes. Sure, there were signs it was coming. Drooling over the baby section at Target every now and then. My husband making the comment that last year's Outer Banks vacation would be "our last without children". Same husband introducing our Great Dane, Gracie, to my new baby cousin last Christmas, saying "you better get used to this". But suddenly, in late winter, we decided to start "Operation: Baby!"
I was SO excited!!! I think that I had been secretly ready for children a few years ago, but was waiting for finances, and terrified husband, to come around to my side. And I guess it did. Because on February 27th, 2009, I threw away that pack of Ortho Cyclen and started to prepare my body for baby. I ignored all of those warnings to stop taking birth control six months before you start TTC. Why would we do that??? What a waste of precious time (see, because I still believe I am working against the clock here at 28 - one of my many neuroses...). So, I went to Barnes and Noble and snatched up EVERY book you can buy on TTC. "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", "What to Expect BEFORE You are Expecting", "Getting Pregnant", "Having a Baby", "Before Your Pregnancy", and the fertility Bible "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (TCOYF for short). I sat down and in six hours, had read the entire length of "TCOYF", with all pertinent parts neatly highlighted and dog-eared. I was READY!!!! Again, ignored the fact that almost 100% of these books recommends having a few months off the pill before you start "trying". Pooey....
So, I spent the $40 to buy the TCOYF charting program for my computer and started doing my daily duty. Checking my temperature at 5:30 everyone morning, even on weekends, checking my cervical mucus, checking my cervical position, peeing on stick after expensive stick, baby-dancing when appropriate...I was a dedicated TTC nut, and I was headed for success!!! So imagine my surprise when cycle #2 confirmed a problem. I had a luteal phase defect. I couldn't believe it! Of course, every book warns that the first few cycles of charting can reveal this problem in the first few months after discontinuing the pill. I kept charting. I had a completely anovulatory cycle for cycle #3, and cycle #4 had an even SHORTER luteal phase. So, at this point, I followed advice in my books and started 100mg of vitamin B6 everyday.
My last cycle was cycle #5. I had a 24 day cycle with a luteal phase of 10 days, which is the low end of normal. I spent every day in the 2WW (two-week-wait from ovulation to next period) analyzing every little symptoms. I SWORE I was pregnant. I took tests at 9dpo, then 10dpo, then 11dpo....all BFN's (Big Fat Negatives!). Then, in the evening at 11dpo, there was Aunt Flo, in all her glory. This time I was highly distressed. This is because my 25-year-old sister called me to tell me that.....yep, you guessed it.......she's pregnant. And 4 girls at work are pregnant. And my husband's best friend's girlfried is pregnant....I AM SURROUNDED BY BABY BUMPS. And in the very near future, I will be surrounded with little Bundles of Joy, leaving me in their dust with my own Bundle of Stress!!!
I haven't had nearly as difficult as a course as many of the women I talk to on Parents.com and in my own life. But, it helps me to get things written down. Hence this blog. So this is my background. PLEASE, feel free to leave me messages or let us know your own experiences. I am headed into Cycle #6 of my TTC journey....I am going to be brutally honest in my blogs, in hopes that my story makes others feel that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!
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